HALLOWEEN! Ok..Just had to get the excitement out

I love to make Halloween a big deal. Likely because everyone else makes Christmas such a big deal that I just need my own holiday like its all mine to make a fuss over.

I'm almost done with my costume and only have two more accessories to buy for it. I'm already planning a Halloween party and know what cute Halloween themed treats I'm going to make.

I got lucky when it came to my friends because they like it almost as much as I do :) All of our costumes are going on the same things and they're helping with the party and making Halloween themed treats too.

Even Master seems into it but he hasn't chosen a costume yet. Still deciding between a few ideas. I'm pretty sure he's staying in town for Halloween, not sure if he has decided yet. I'll have to ask because of course I'd love for us to have our first Halloween together.

I'm just excited for it all pumpkin patches, haunted houses, carving pumpkins, pumpkin seeds, treats, parties and of course trick or treating.
I've even already started dreaming about it. Just a month from now I'll have to get Halloween nails too :)

When I'm at My Happiest

      As my assigned blog post for this week Sir has asked me to post about what makes me the happiest during the week. When he said this all these things immediately came rushing to my mind. And this week so far has been pretty great so that also makes writing this post so much easier and actually so much harder. I wont make this post about one thing that makes me the happiest. No way I could pin point it down to one single thing! some things may make me happier than others but I really feel that all these things combined happening throughout the week is what makes it a great week.

     These are not in any kind of order just know that they are happy moments throughout my week that make me feel like the happiest luckiest girl! Which I am and I need to remember more often.

• Waking up to texts messages from Sir.
• Warming my feet under my puppy dog's butt when I'm in bed.
• When I finish a book and just sit back for a moment to really think about it.
• When my friend says, "You're so cool." and means it.
• When I get to spend time with my family.
• When Sir kisses me on my forehead or the tip of my nose.
• When I can sit in my Master's lap or lay my head on his chest and feel him breathing.
• When I'm dancing(In my kitchen for no reason, in a club, in my car, as my workout cool down to a great song.)
• When I'm explaining something and the person just gets it..
• When what I'm cooking turns out awesome.
• That extra 15mins I steal after I hit snooze.
• That very hot shower when I'm still sleepy in the morning.
• When Sir tells me I'm beautiful and something insides me moves because I know he means it.
• When old friends, new friends, family members or my little sister texts me for no reason at all.
• When my Step-dad checks on me before bed.
• When my mother offers to make me a meal.
• When Sir wants to take me on a date or even just see me in general or says, "I miss you" when he wont be seeing me.
• Waking up next to my handsome boyfriend and getting closer to his warm body.
• When my puppy dog greets me at the door.
• When I find great ideas on Pinterest.
• Yelling at the TV with my friends.
• When I know I'm making my Master happy.
• When I know I'm making Sir happy.
• When I know I'm making my boyfriend happy.
• Planing fun things to do with Sir...and the sexy dirty things too.
• Wanting to get out of my bed and start my day.

     It's all these things and more that happen everyday that make me laugh and smile and just feel genuinely happy. Sometimes things get in the way and I can't see the good things or maybe I just don't want to. I think I'm getting better at it though and I think Sir is helping me with that. He's honestly the only person I'm letting close enough to me to help me. Everyone else just got the, "Yea I'm fine." That doesn't work with him.

     I am happy :) I'm happy with him and I'm happy with me. I'll deal withall that other crap as it comes.
    

Is it me? Is it you?

It's just you. It's not this collar around my neck. It's not the rules. It's not the rough sex. The vanilla sex. It's not the control or the commands.

Don't tell me I can find someone else.

It's your eyes when I look up and you're on top of me. It's your hands when you have the wrapped around my throat, running across my thighs or just holding my hand. It's you that makes me laugh and smile.

It's me. I feel happy. I feel smart. I feel beautiful. I trust. I care. I respect.

I've never given that to anyone else.

I've been selfish. I've been demanding. I've been controlling. I've been degrading. I've been disrespectful. I've been give me, give me. I've been take and never give.

I know what I want. I want BDSM, if it's with you. I want vanilla, if it's with you. I want today, if it's with you. I want a boyfriend, if that boyfriend is you.

I'm yours for as long as you'll keep me.

Your Beauty,
Your Girlfriend,
Your Best Friend,
Your Submissive,
Your Other Half,

We can decide together and just be us.

Beauty's Bedtime

One of the rules that my Master has implemented while publicly collared is that he sets my bedtime. At my set bedtime I must be in bed with phone on silent, lights out and laying down This is one of his rules that he uses to help me. I have terrible sleeping habits right now.

Even if I lay down at 9pm there are some nights where I won't fall asleep till well after 1am or even later. Some nights I'm able to fall asleep but then wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back to sleep.

I'm hoping that Master's rule will help sort out my sleeping habits and that maybe the idea of pleasing him will help soothe me to sleep as well. I know one way that it will help is the no cell phone rule. Some nights that I couldn't sleep I would just go on Facebook or Pinterest or anything. Since I'm not allowed I think I'll try harder to calm my mind and sleep.

I'm happy he makes rules that benefit me and my health. It really shows me that he cares about every aspect. Better sleeping habits will halp me to be healthier and happier which is what we both want for me. So far bedtime has been midnight and once at 11pm.

He has mentioned that an earlier bedtime could be issued as a form of punishment for misbehavior. I can imagine that being sent to be at 8 or 9pm would definitely feel like a punishment. Especially if I know he's awake a wont be going to sleep till several hours later.

Tonight's bedtime is midnight so I have an hour left to blog and read before bed. Good night :)

Getting My Collar Back

      When Master first said he wanted to give me back my collar I was a little hesitant. When he told me he was going to put it back on me the first time it was Friday night. I told him we really didn't talk about it and that's why I didn't want it back. I didn't want him to give it back and then have us run into the same issue again. We talked about it some and I told him how I felt when he had told me to take it off. By the end of the conversation I felt we were at a stand still that we didn't agree.

     I'm not even sure how but we got into something completely different and I felt like he was telling me I didn't see us having a future. Which is all wrong! Then when I started talking about how I saw our future I realized we didn't agree on what I thought was a big part of my future. It really bothered me but I didn't want to continue to get upset and emotional so I let it go.

     I spent an unplanned night with Sir and a good day with him. We went to a Halloween store and to a shop to get a new addition on his car. I went home after and got ready to go out that night with him for a friends birthday. We had a great night out and on the way home he stopped in a parking lot and we christened his car ;) Before we drove back to my house he collared me again and I am so happy to have it on again!

    

I Only Made it One Day?

     I was just uncollared[Insert sad face here]. I just spoke my mind. Sir reminded me twice when I didn't say Sir or master to him in a text that I should be saying it. The first time I didn't I agree I should have used Sir or Master when answering him because we were talking about rules and I should have addressed him that way.

     The second time however I don't feel I should be made to say it because I was addressing him as my boyfriend.  I was upset and not feeling well and I just needed a minute to fall back on him. Even if it was just digitally(Through a Text). I know that it isn't fair for me to think that he can read my mind but even after I explained how I was feeling to him he told me to take off my collar.

     I got upset. I felt like I was being punished. When I told him this he said that we didn't agree on what being collared meant so that's why he was having me take it off. I wasn't being understanding I was just grumpy. I felt like well if you want me to address you as Sir then go ahead and just make it a rule. I told him this and he told me he was not going to make a rule.

     I felt very rebellious the rest of the day! I felt like I was throwing a temper tantrum at first. Like ugh fine! I'm being more reasonable now and seeing it his way. I'll wait till we can talk it over and maybe he'll let me put it back on. He's told me to bring it with me when I go to his house and I'm sitting here hoping that he hasn't told me to bring it because he plans on taking it away from me.

Sometimes People Change

     I got to go and spend time with my younger sister tonight. I don't see her often even though she lives just fifteen minutes down the road. I went to her house for dinner and to spend time with her instead of going out to get sushi with her. Not sure if I mentioned but she bailed on me the last time we had plans together and I was all bummed out by it. I'm glad I actually got to see her this time around.

     She lives in a cute town house with I'm not really sure how many roommates but def more than there are beds in the house! lol I told Sir in a text that I feel a little out of my league around her. I guess I'm getting older and can't hang with the cool kids anymore. I am happy to see her happy and settled into her new place she does look healthier too although I'm sure how much longer her liver will hold out!

     I really do love her though even if she seems like a different person now. Into different things living out on her own now. I hope I get to spend more time with her. I made it home in time to make it in bed in time for my first night with an appointed bedtime.